I’ll be Gone

Life as it currently is – not really the easiest thing to sum up.  I mentioned about a month ago that things had been a bit rough, and have been trying to figure out the best way to word it.  I try to keep things separate on the blog knowing that most people come here to read about tasty treats and not infertility.  So for those of you looking for veggie dishes – check back on Thursday.  For those of you that want to be caught up on Operation Impregnation – please stick around!

Part 1 Part 2 of the journey

Our second mini-IVF was a disaster, plain and simple, as we were left with no transferable embryos.  This left us with the one frozen blast from the first mini-IVF (aka IVF #2) – which was nicknamed Frostie.  In early July I began the medication needed to prep my body for Frostie, maxing out our pharmacy coverage for all future IVF treatments.  Frostie was transferred and within days I was getting positive pregnancy tests.  After the previous disappointments I decided to keep this one to myself, counting down the days until what I knew would be a positive BETA.  Then disaster struck, on the Thursday evening before my BETA I felt a sheering sensation on my left side and knew that it was over, that Frostie was gone.  The test on Monday confirmed my fears, my blood results were so low as for the cycle to be considered a fail – but the multiple positive HPTs were enough to convince my nurse to record it as a CP.  The loss of our last embryo was devastating, the only thing keeping me from the deep end (outside of husband and family) was an upcoming vacation to my favorite gaming convention.  Most of the people there were familiar with our situation and so I was welcome with open arms – outside of those filled with alcohol (Caramel Appletini) and caffeinated beverages.  This trip gave me time to recover while a weekend away with my better half helped us both to heal, and to begin talking about next steps.  The next cycle was a break cycle, no appointments and just a refocusing on the important things in life. We began researching adoptions and further investigated donor eggs.

When we first began this journey I was more than a little opposed to donor eggs – it made so much more sense to me to adopt.  Then I realized how difficult adoptions are, especially non-foster based domestic adoption.  After being turned down by three adoption agencies due to religion, and accepting that our under-30 status took international adopts off the table, we went back to talking about donor eggs.  Joe had always been open to the idea, assuming I was willing to take the risk.  With donor eggs, I take the same medication as with the FET cycle and then have a transfer on either day 3 or 5 (as with a standard IVF).  However since we’ve had at least 4CPs there is no way to guarantee that a donor egg will create a sticky embryo.  While all tests have come back negative for any likely disorder causing miscarriages, there is still the small chance that something is wrong and my body is unable to carry.   Thankfully we live near Shady Grove Fertility which offers a Shared Risk/Shared Donor program – which is what we have decided to go with.  Under this program we will pay a set amount of money and will then have up to 6 transfers.  If during that time we go home with a baby, Mazel Tov!  The journey is over.  However if after 6 transfers we are still babyless we get all the money back – and we’ll be at least 6 months closer to hitting 30 and thus eligible for international adoption.

So where are we at this moment?  Currently we are waiting to check off our final box on the egg donation form.  Then, depending on timing, I’ll either start the medication or take the cycle off and start the medication in November.  Once I’ve started medication, transfer will be scheduled for 4 – 6 weeks out depending on where the donor and other recipients are in their cycles.   The average rate of cycles is 3.2 so while we can hope and pray that the first one is the winner, we realize that we are just at the starting point for this journey and it could be another year (or more) before we reach the end.

That’s it – or at least that’s it for now.  For those of you that made it to the end – Thank You.  I first started posting about our IF journey a little over a year ago, when we had our first BETA confirmed miscarriage.  It’s been a rough year, with two more miscarriages added to the tally  – along with lots of medication and tears.  I’m still hopeful that at some point we will be parents, be it thru donor eggs or adoption, it’s just taking much longer than I ever thought.

2 thoughts on “I’ll be Gone

  1. First time commenting here… but wanted to wish you the best of luck with the egg donor! You are such a strong and friendly person, I hope you know there are so many people out there rooting for you both.


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